Almost a year later, he gets called into the equal opportunity and title ix office at University of Denver (DU). The year prior he had gone to a fraternity formal in the mountains with a girl that he was not interested in romantically, just friends. He did not even really want to go. She convinced him to take her so she could hang out with her girl-friends that were going, and to hang out with guys in the frat. So they go.
Once there, she acts like a typical young person at their first mountain frat party. Shots, beer, weed, cocaine, lap dancing, hot tubs, nearly naked, and lacking clear memory. In the morning, she feels terrible, both from all the intoxicants and some from guilt of what she must have done. She asked him what happened. You see, he was not happy about something. He was trying to avoid her. He told her that he fell asleep in the bed after midnight while she was watching Netflix. He said he woke up to her on top of him, grinding on him, she had taken his underwear off and put his penis inside her.
He did not know what to do, he did not show her he was fully away, she was still intoxicated. He moved a little, she got off of him and went to the bathroom. He rolled over and went back to sleep. He woke hoping it was a bad dream. He worried about STD. He did not like the friendship violation. He knew few would believe him or even care.
Being naïve and young, he told her what she did and that he was upset with her. They spent much of the day separately.
She had no memory. If he would have denied any sexual contact, there would never be enough evidence for him to be charged or even accused. But, he told the truth. She could not handle it and started telling a tale that allowed her to be a victim, in part because of her friend saying she was too drunk to make this decision. Wait, she has sex with a sleeping man and it’s the sleeping man’s fault. The friend did not get the full story, made assumptions and the story grows into him raping her.
This is what was said to the frat. The frat president was advised by national and counsel to send it to the Title IX office. The frat did. Equal Opportunity and Title IX at University of Denver did nothing for much of a year. It appears the girl did not cooperate or maybe Title IX was negligent in investigating. The young man’s reputation was soiled by rumor throughout his school. He had no ability to defend. It actually caused him post traumatic stress (PTSD) because he was the victim and was being blamed as the cause. Fortunately, he sought psychological help rather than hiding with drugs or worse.
Almost a year later, she goes to Equal Opportunity and Title IX at DU. She complains that the frat did nothing. She does not realize that it was actually Title IX that did nothing. She tells the tale that has been developing and growing over time with everyone saying she is a victim. In our culture, women are victims and men are perpetrators. It cannot be the other way.